I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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