I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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