While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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