R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
