If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
