What a fucking waste of an outfit
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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