No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
