Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You are the jesus of drinking
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
