I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
