She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
