Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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