and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Randomize
