He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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