I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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