Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
