It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
