I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
