I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
