he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
