just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
