I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
