dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
