Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
