I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
