Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
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