super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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