my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
