Just mADE A PArabola og urine
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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