ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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