apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
