just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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