I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
