Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
