On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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