The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
