the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
