All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
