im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
