Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
