my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
