my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Randomize
