I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
