Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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