Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Randomize
