The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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