he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
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We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize