I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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