Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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