The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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