you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
