This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
