Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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