btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize