when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
