Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
