im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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