OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
