actually, I'm a sock model
I am in a vortex of obligation.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
