Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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