best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
