Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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