Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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