I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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