Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
