Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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