Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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