I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
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