Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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