it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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