Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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