At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
